From uncertainty to determination
Everybody has ups and downs in life.
I also faced several difficulties after completing high school. Just after
completing grade twelve, I was not expecting that I might have to make some
bold decisions, and those decisions would pave the path for my future. Yet, I
managed to make decisions on my own; some were successful, and some left me alone
with bitter experiences. I am still waiting to taste the sweet nectar produced
by my good decisions and determinations.
On the second day of completing the
board exams of grade 12, I joined MBBS entrance exam preparation as there were
a few months to publish the result. While joining the MBBS entrance exam course,
my friends enjoyed traveling to new places and exploring opportunities to
continue their education further. Furthermore, I was preparing for medical entrance,
which I was not sure if I was appearing or not. Despite my hard work and
dedication, I got a CGPA- D in Physics and failed Chemistry. This shook me that
hard, I froze for a few days thinking about what to do now. I was in a dilemma
between further pursuing preparation for the entrance exam or preparing for the
re-exam to clear my backlog. Eventually, I quit the MBBS entrance preparation
and started preparing for my re-exam and I cleared, even though I was under stress.
It took me two months to escape my
traumas; then, with great enthusiasm, I joined an IELTS class to pursue my
career overseas. Initially, I did not have any conversations with my parents,
and later, my parents didn't allow me to go abroad. They were so attached to
and obsessed with me, as I was their first and special child among my siblings.
I do not know why but it is true. Due to the advice from my parents, I joined B.
Ed. (specialization in English) on a campus near my house in Kailali. But the
environment there was surrounded by dissatisfied and hopeless people. That
drove me towards career frustration and demotivation for life. As a result, I
stopped attending classes and eventually quit that too. At that stage of my
life, I was a hopeless, ambitionless, and frustrating teenager.
My parents were silent for some
time, observing me. Later, my father conceded, “If going abroad makes you
happy, then go for it. We’re with you”. Those words were like a warm hug which
I was desperately waiting for. Then, with great joy, I called my friend in
Kathmandu to find me a hostel near Putalisadak, to attend class conveniently.
After a week, I went back to Kathmandu with the hope of achieving my dream to
study abroad and started IELTS class. I studied for a month, and I thought of
taking an IELTS, I did well enough to get an acceptance letter from Canadian
institutions. I did all the preparation for Canada and then applied for a visa
to study there. But my fate didn't favor me, and my visa was rejected. Just
after joining the IELTS class, I also joined an educational consultancy as an intern
and worked there. After 3 months, I was promoted to Business Development
Officer and was given many responsibilities to handle. At the same time, I
joined a BA (Sociology and English) at a public college in Putalisadak with the
help, advice, motivation, and encouragement from two of my seniors, who were
more like elder brothers to me.
As the classes were already
stopped, I started studying at home on my own. That was going well. But God
cursed me again with frustration. Despite of support and well-wishes of my
family, friends, and those two brothers, I started feeling anxious and frustrated
about my career as one of my dearest friends whom I was studying with since
grade one headed to Japan to pursue his education. Then the worst phase of my
life began. I was just living my life without any purpose. I was like the cloud
in William Wordsworth's poem that wandered lonely. Wake up, go to work, and come
back home and sleep. Additionally repeating this cycle every day for 2-3
months. During this time, those two brothers always tried to cheer me up and
motivate me to do well in my life. But that wasn’t working. I was trying to
find a way to escape all these things and start my academic journey again from
scratch.
Days passed.
One day my father called and told
me that his maternal uncle’s son was talking about a new dual-degree in English
that had started in KU. I was frustrated and wanted to escape my current life. I
was excited to join that course without knowing anything, only full of hope
that this might take all my frustrations and help me restart. I instantly
replied, “Yes” to my father. Then I came to KUSOED for the first time, appeared
in the entrance exam, and finally met Dr. Siddhartha Dhungana. When I talked to
him, then only I got to know about BA-B. Ed course and its scope for the future
in detail. I was worried about the results of the entrance exam. My luck
favored me, and I got my admission and started studying.
Then I started studying at KUSOED. As
I was in the classroom after a huge gap, I felt both excited and worried about
my future. After four days, I got an internship opportunity at the Department
of Language Education. Then, without even thinking for a moment, I accepted it
and started working 4 hours daily to reciprocate the routine of my past days.
After spending a couple of months
here at KUSOED, I am gaining hope and a clear vision of my life: Becoming a
better version of teacher who can teach Beta generation. With all
these things in my head, I am restarting my academic journey again with great
courage and enthusiasm and will prove that I am not done yet. Just like John
Cena, the person whom I have admired since my childhood, I will never give up.
*KUSOED- Kathmandu University
School of Education
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Lovedev Sharma
BA-B.Ed.
1st Semester, KUSOED
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